#4 Hidung berlari

I am truly sorry about my last entry. It was a bit exaggerated. Agreed, it got a little bit too personal and went overboard. I will make this post as clean as possible. Done.

Health seems to be luxury at the moment. My body easily gets exhausted and my face, looked so pale and my lips dried from this current weather. My runny nose seemed to never stop pumping out colourless and odorless liquid, thankfully. I just snugged in a piece of tissue to blockage from flowing, for a short period and needed to be changed once in a while. The most annoyance, my teary eyes formed a dust and it prevent the light to enter my eyes. As a result, you may say I became a temporarily blind man, darkness developing as the night falls.

I hope to recover. So that I can run freely again, to dream again. And cheer again. Like I used to.

#3 Aku dan dia

I still have unspoken thoughts. That someday I would be able to express. I kept these thoughts until the right moment to spread all out. All these times, I was observing from the corner, and I guess we both played it safe.

I knew time were running out. That someday you would finally decided to seek your path, as I would for myself. One thing you were not realised, was that the path I chose is you. Always has been.

Maybe I presume it is. Maybe it is not. Maybe I just think too much. I received your message on facebook. You told me how should I live with my life. And I replied it back. Harshly. And you did not reply since then. Maybe you had blocked me. Just then, my thoughts were supposed to be neither agitated, nor cruel, it were simply just to protect my heart from hurting. That was all.

I am waiting for something uncertain. Impossible. Maybe on the big day of yours, I will finally give up. Maybe. Or I might end up be like Bruce Wayne, one who did not manage to celebrate his big day until his final days. Again, just maybe. If I had the chance to change my thoughts about you, I would rather be in comma than a full stop. Sort of.

I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details - Albert Einstein

#2 Lari dan terus berlari

Past few days awakened me. I used to be so premature and always take my own decision in hoping that my kind of 'way' exceeds others. You all can say that it is like forward thinking style, as opposed by the apple chief director, Tim Cook.

But then, it is not my point in this entry at this moment of time. I wonder. Every decision always has its risk, whether we notice it or not. I used to think that my decision did not have a huge impact towards others, but I was wrong.

Risk is something that we will always face. And it affects minimal, if not large, to people surround us, or we call that stakeholders.

"Some people just love risk and are considered as risk loving or risk seeking, that is, they enjoy taking risks and challenges. They often opt out of 'expensive' mitigation strategies. Hence they pursue profit opportunities that risky ventures present.

Some people just avoid risk and are considered as risk averse, that is, they are the most cautious while accepting any kind of risk. They avoid risk whenever possible, but are willing to accept some risk."

The thing is, I hurt a lot of people based on my past decisions. And it affected people arround me mostly, which I did not realise. And I feel like running, and just keep running to discharge that feelings that make me feel awful. I just want to re-write history, if not, change the future, which I am doing right now.

P/s: Oh ya, I recently watched Lagenda Budak Setan 3 and The Maze Runner. Both great, am I eligible to be a maze runner too? Haha

“Life is spectacular. Forget the dark things. Take a drink and let time wash them away to where ever time washes away to.”
― Tim Tharp, The Spectacular Now

#1 bercerita

I have long longed to write an entry here. Because there is so much to tell, to share. Besides, this is th place I used to express things in mature and critical.

I have quited dota and I surely agree that is for the best. May I lack in some certain areas, this is one of the place I ponder myself. "What went wrong?"

The key is to convey what is presumely the best action to remedy the lack inside.

Anyway, welcome back Ariff. This is going to be lengthy post for the remaining days in 2014! Bismillah