#22 teman

Salam and hey.

Today is Sunday.

Just a typical weekend but an extraordinary occasion happened today. I went to repair my broken blackberry phone into this one shop I stopped by.

To cut the story short, he repaired my phone and I asked him how much did it cost. To my surprise, he insisted me to pay according how much I could afford to.

This is 'extremely' RARE considering that never in my whole life a seller did such thing. I was absurbed for a moment, because the price agreed was significantly affordable compared to other enormous pricing by other sellers. 

In the end, I just asked him to pay him fairly according to his rates. Still, his pricing are reasonable aand 'ok'.

His name is Syed. I believe he is from middle-eastern side of the country, a Pakistani I assumed. I wish your business goes well and healthily.

I am truly blessed that there is still such people. I do appreciate it.

Footnote: for those who wonder why am I still use this old-fashioned, ice aged phone, for me just simply it has taken some space in my heart, I do still like to use it, even the technology changes. Also, I had some good memories with it. You know, sentimental stuff? Hehe

"You have to go whole-heartedly into anything

in order to achieve anything worth having."

- Frank Lloyd Wright

#21 Pagi Kelabu

Salam and hey.

It is regret for me to say that I am getting more and more 'wounded'. I dont know how to describe it, but the struggle is undeniably real.

I lost something precious and I want to get it back. 

#20 Jiwa Kelajuan

Salam and hey,

As I ranting my days onto this blog, I am currently reading, examining, focusing, harnessing, or whatever you want to call it, studying P5. It is tough, for I am procrastinating every single minute.

Seriously, I am pampering myself too much at this rate. It is hard to have a determined heart, that I am not attracted to any distraction. 

Late.

#21 kekalutan hati

"Ku mengerti perpisahan ini bukan kerana kau membenci,

Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri,

Tiada lagi bersama..

Seringkala aku terlihatkan mu,

Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari,

Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali,

Tapi kasih,

Hati masih tak terima ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu,

Perasaan hati masih rindu

Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku,

Tercari-cari bayanganmu

Tak sanggup ku kehilanganmu,

Kehilanganmu..."

Anuar Zain

#19 Keraguan Hati

Salam and hey.

It was just depressing that past few days hit me pretty hard. I wish to escape from the reality that make me scared, the future seemed uncertain with the current me being foolishly confused and blank. 

Life is tough, but I can change that depending on how I handle those problems. Problems will never get abated. Strong will and heart will get through in no time.

I never plan to walk at the life I am having through right now, I know I am not at my lowest, but to be frank, I am not in a good position neither. Maybe I need a partner to share all the joy and sorrow together to make life such more meaningful. I hope so.

The thing is that. life kept pushing me away and I really bad at handling such thing. I tend to make more mistakes, ignore it and make it worst. Sometimes, I just need a little break to focus my core. After all, Rome is not build in a day, isn't it?

One way is escaping life; Dota. This isn't good, I admit that it is addictive and suffocating. And it is just get worst if you handling it wrong. I must get out of this cycle as soon as possible.

Fuck it. Today I am so moody that I just play to want play Dota the whole day. Pray for me that I get recovered soon. :(

Signing off,

Knowledge is love and light and vision.

-Helen Keller

#18 Keberangkatan Hati Nun Jauh Sana

Salam and Hey,

I just feel lonely. And I just want to share it here.

Sometimes, I feel I am treated differently. I just want to be normal. Like everybody does. 

I watched a drama recently, and look upon the life of a person inside the drama resembles me, I wished someone knew what am I having through.

It is okay to be sad, but I need to be stronger than ever. Pray for me.

#17 Tethering Love

Salam and hey.

Today marks the 21st of August. Time surely flies with memories flooding all over the place.

My write up is not as usual where I always delaying and end up leaving it behind. I have this identity crisis where I am standing without a feet, or hanging without a rope. Do you get what I am trying to say? Nevertheless, I somehow able to keep going and survive the day.

I am already at quarter century of age, and surprisingly I am not expecting things that have happened right now. It still feels like a dream, really.

 I have to be strong, not just for myself, but for everyone around me, so that I could believe miracle and faith are actually real. Same goes to them. I will just need to keep spreading positive vibes and enjoy every little things that made my day.

This includes giving smiles to people, friends and strangers. Help the needy. Create positive vibes around people. Cheer them up. Try to be as positive as you can be. And the list goes on.

I can say that I am quite grateful, because I know Allah is always with me. Even though there are times I always forgetting, He is always giving me chances to change the way I should be. Alhamdulillah, I am trying to be a better person.

I just need to do an extra hard-work in my studies so that I will not get left behind. This is how I should be. Amin.

To the person that I have always cared, I do still care about you. I know I hardly be on your mind, but let's just say that I always pray for the best for you, like I always do. Just take care of yourself. I hope you are able to chase the stairs of success, so that I could happily see you from far away. 

Signing off,

Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.Francis of Assisi

#16 Berjaga Malam

Salam and heyy

I woke up to know that the exam is arund the corner, oh well let us do our best. Gambatte!

To self, please do not give up and always take chances whenever and whenever possible. You would not want to miss such opportunity in front of you.

To my future special,

I may not know where and what are you up to know, but rest assured, I am doing my best for myself and our future. I hope you are doing the same, and hopefully to meet you soon. 

And one last important note, always asks from Him. He likes that. Because He is all knowing. No harm doing that. After all, He is the most merciful, the most gracious. :)

#15 Pengakuan jujur

Hi and happy sunday to my reader(s), tu pon kalau ade heheh

Firstly, this post is neither a bashing nor emotional downside of self, but it purely the thoughts I had inside and I feel like I want to expose it just for this tiny little blog of mine.

so kalau ade yang agak-agak terasa tu, sorry lah ye.

watak utama: He as Him, She as Her. Lol

He has always watching (not stalking ok) over her faraway, from time to time and for as much as possible of his time. This is to have enough assurance that she is doing pretty well of his absence. I know, subtle.

This is because, he feels that she deserves to be happy whatever she is doing, and whenever she is going. He chooses to believe this thought because she has been the special someone and has a significant impact in his life, indeed. And therefore, for someone that he believes she is special, it is somehow he is 'obliged' or rather owed to making sure that she is happy with her life.

And for the record, it was true enough that somehow he has no courage to say it oud loud, but he tries his best to make her be his, and making her happy is his top priority and whatnot, with all capacity and strength that he has.

Consequently, he also believes that fate is not always the way that he wanted. And for that, he accepts the fact with an open heart despite of the dissapointment that he will get. After all, he has lost people he care the most in the past, so why must not he this time? - he has to tell this to himself for thousands and millions of time, believe me.

Though she has left him, he still cares about her, but seeing her trying to show herself that she is fine but actually she does not. Why?

Because when things go wrong from her side, she blamed everything around her for the things that have failed without knowing the fact that she is actually the reason behind this. She has that someone that would risk everything for her, but rather she treated him badly. He was there where she needs someone to lend on, the time, and everything she could ask for.

He has nothing to lose, and he is always there. Maybe this is the reason she pushes him like there is nothing going wrong, because she thinks he has not be a dissapointment for her.

He is holding in. As much as I possibly recall, he has always resisted from getting hurt. He knows that he is able to take things calmly, and believe that there are greater things to accomplish, though what he sees is her in his dream, his hope, his future, his everything.

And he will never show it to her, because she has never able to see or feel it by herself. And thus, he feels that it is impossible to continue the relationship without her consent if her heart is blind and hard to see the truth. He has to move on, no matter how hasty or clumsy the decision it can be.

And for this, he is also unable to continue his life normally after seeing his special someone is failing, falling. He does not blame her, that is for sure. But seeing her sad, he fails to accept it. But what he can do? She is one of the brightest star he has, and yet the star is dim and unable to glow.

If he has choosen to be selfish, he has already stop those connections between him and her. He is assured, he still has this soft-spot for her, but sooner or later this has need to stop. The first impression has always been the disappointment he has to carry, together with unbearable regret he might get.

This has to stop. He is actually not a person who has special place inside her heart. Maybe there is once, but there is no more. Why has he bother to? Just stop. If the fate has unite them again, that would be another story. And so, just move along like he always does.

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.

-Anais Nin

#14 Tengok Cahaya yang Bersinar Terang

Sometimes,

We failed ourself. It does not mean that we purposely doing it. We sometimes lose track, and at a point where we do not know what to do.

Sometimes,

The people we care most, are the ones leave us. With no simple gestures of saying goodbye, or a smile. It can be they are leaving for good. Like a kid who lost their parent, a lover getting through 7 degrees of separation, etc.

We might be blind for a brief moment of time. It is normal. What is painful for you, might not for others, vice versa. Whatever it is, for someone who believes in the greater power of the One who make orders of this life. We must at least show a little appreciation on how He plans this And that for us. Humans.

Sometimes,

We feel that we can not make it anymore. We feel like the world stumbles upon us, and it is like the end of everything. We need to keep on moving. We have to keep on rolling, because that is just the basic part of life,

We fall, we get up. We fall again, and we get up again. That is how it works.

Fail is okay, while give up is not. We live not to impress, but impress The Live (The One).

We keep sin, but he is the most Merciful, the most Gracious. Let He alone decides what is the best for us. For everything.

#13 Aku kan terus menunggu

..at least before you do really have someone replacing me.

Hi and may the forth/force be with you.

I just stop by knowing that this place somehow brings me a lot of fond memories and all those happy moments together.

As I listening to Hujan songs, I was travelled back time to the year 2007 where 'kami' and 'kisah kaisara' were a hype back then. And this was the topic we were used to discuss. I truly enjoyed that.

"...bila jumpa penggantiku, jangan dilupakan aku."

I never thought it was so powerful that it touched me so hard every time I overheard this underrated and underground songs. And we both liked it so much, aren't we?😆😆

By the way, if it makes me to change to a person that I don't want to be, I would like refuse. Because, just because I am still the same person, at least.

Tak sabar nak tengok Digimon adventure remake sebab Taichi, Yamato semua dah dewasa and digimon semua masih sama. It was my lifelong favourite animé series I would love to grow old with.

Exam to date estimated around few days more. Pray for/with me so we can excel together and achieve our dreams to together make the world a better place to live in :)

#12 Big dreams

Hello and here we meet again.

I put my writing at halt due to my abstain feelings I had. Iove writing, it has been my passion. Here is where I can truly honest and straight on certain things I remain silent in real life.

March.

A month of love and hate kind of feeling. I was caught up with many things and I tried to keep up as fast as I can.  Life has been better and I appreciate every little things that happen past few weeks.

"By having minimal expectations for everything, every good little thing will be amplified and become amazing. "

I like that quote. A Japanese friend of mine told me that. Well, she's not certainly pure Japanese, half Malaysian blood in hers.

I made a lot of mistakes. All I hope is His forgiveness. Even though I still keeping it on repeat. I hope He hears this little voice of mine.  This is what matters most for me.

I should be more than grateful that I am being able to witness life. Out of all thing, He gave me opportunity to make a change. Thank you

I take every challenges to make me stronger than ever. That is what I supposed to be doing. Have faith and keep on marching forward.