#24 Yang terlewatkan

Salam and hey,

Today might be the longest entry Ive ever posted, and it is going to be a bit lengthy and an emotional one, but in a good way.

For the past few days in this month of April, I had observed all kind of people around me, and I tried to understand for the behaviour for most of the observed participants.

I wanted to state clearly that I have no other mean of judging people or discriminating them in any way, it is just that I want to learn the best of them and apply to my daily dose of life.

It is surprisingly to know that people can change so fast that you would be afraid and you hope it will not happen to you. For instance, being the breadwinner for the family and, upon sudden, you have lost it and the world seemed tumbling down. Ut is so hard that everyday you have to think every penny before you spent and every night you just could not sleep well.

Well, that's one thing. You just have to keep believe and hope. That is all.

I have no longer gain control of what I am, what am I going to be, because I have lost in so many wat and even considering that I have nothing to lose for and hold on into; made me powerless. Somehow, I almost on the point of living lifeless soul that just go with the flow.

There is time when I am so busy that I almost forget most of the things that have bothering me. But there is a time, it strikes so hard that I almost turned away and wishing it had never happened to me. It feels so pain in the inside that you just want to puke away. That moment was for me, and prolly to anybody else too.  And there was this time, I passes through my mum's place, and I could not just stop tearing eventhough my brother was beside me and of course, he did not realise that.

Some of the people I observed had simply lost touch with their Creator. I asked why. The most common thing I heard is, "you don't know what is happening to me," or maybe simply because they did not even care at all.

Tough life.

But there is some people who manage it so well that I keen to approach and learn from them. I do. But of course, it may not be an easy task. Some of them might just weed out and mind their own businesses, like someone I know, and i do still care about. But do not get me wrong, there is still kind people out there, there is. A rare population that keeps on decreasing in number. Deficit.

But it is okay, I forgive her.

____________

Terlalu ramai yang aku terlepas dan terlewati. Mungkin sebab aku tak kisah, atau memang itu yang terbaik untuk aku. Aku melihat satu demi satu orang yang aku sayang meninggalkan aku. Tapi itulah, aku redha dengan semua ketentuan-Nya. Mumgkin itu yang perlu aku harungi untuk jadi yang terbaik dari yant sebelumnya.

Mungkin.

Aku doakan yang baik baik kepada semua yang mengenali aku. Walau mereka tidak lagi kenal atau berhubung, aku tahu mereka yang aku kenali itu cuba yang terbaik untuk membaiki dan menaik taraf kehidupan masing-masing. Itu aje yang boleh aku cakap.

_______________

My kind of drought season seemed to be far from ending. Sometimes I envy of those who had better life, who had better way of managing their crisis. Or maybe I just only see the best part of them without knowing their history. True, it is not fair judgemental. I remember how one of my tweet's reply which I try digest wherever or whenever I lost myself. It goes like this,

"Different people are blessed with different blessings. They are also tested with different trials. Always being grateful is the key."

Simply said, even though he is a successful pilot who earns more than other does not make him holier than tho. This is a toxic mentality that I have been trying to keep away every single day. We just might not know his trials are, so we cannot judge. At least on the surface of the said people. I, too, need to be more comtemplating from my resounding life, at this point of life

I had found many of my previous classmates and recently, the one I used to like and had crush for. Ha ha

I did not recognise her at first, but she remembered me the little tiny thing that made me touched. The keyword was, she was sitting next to me in class. I was blushed. From there, I remember her clearly and the missing pieces started to attach to themselves. How can I not remember, when it was one of the cherished moment of my life. She changed a lot the last time I met her, and looking back at her pictures, I started to imagine how long it has been since we last talked. It was blissful.

She had a daughter and she resembles a lot like her mother. I wish to talk more and I know that I have to set my limit, just because it was all in the past, it is too late to start over. It is just I can't take it anymore that I cried so hard in the inside knowing that it was not meant for me.

Life is tough, in my opinion for those who do not have, or do not wish to have partner in their life, in which I am for the second. If everyone has their backbone, their helping hand, I am sure everything is possible.

And I just can't seemed to move on with this one particular person. Maybe because the way she treated me wrong, it does not mean that I have to wronged her back. The anger, the despise, and the urge to settle the score keeps pumping in, or I at least wanted to talk again for some time, for old time sake.

If I was able to express a thing about her; heartless, selfish, arrogant, bitch, soul-less, nut-headed, selfless, ungrateful. But that is not me, I would throw such word towards anyone. I want to be the best of me.

And I just want to take what's mine. 

But at the end of the day, we are still who we are, the only changes are the choices that we made. I just want to be the best of me. Till then, o Allah give this weak servant of yours to be the best version of him. Please do not give more heart break. You are the one and only. And stop this servant of yours from  going astray. Ameen

"It's hard to say that I was wrong

It's hard to say I miss you

Since you've been gone, it's not the same

It's hard to say I held my tongue

It's hard to say if only

Since you've been gone, it's not the same"