Today is going to be a lengthy post, just because I want to let out yo my loyal listener, you.
By the time I'm writing this post, I'm currently listening to strong songs,
When I say strong, it means songs like Saosin, Matchbook Romance, and pretty much older The Used songs.
I just met with this girl, and she is nice, warmth, cheerful and I'm happy to be with around her.
We met at Tinder.
And as much as I know about her, she has a history just like mine; being hardbroken and finding a way out just like me.
And here, the story is actually is began to change its direction.
I like everything about her, the flawless, when it is actually the other charm side of her
The problem is,
I cant really know whether she had already move on from her past relationship.
It was hard for me, when I cant really read her heart. Whether being with me was her sweet escape from reality
even just for a while.
Just so to know that, she is ambitious, I can see her career path looked bright and she is capable to do much things.
And this also, where I stopped, hesitated, and numb for a little bit
Because, there is other side of me telling that I'm not worthy of her.
Even if I do, I cant really promise myself that I am ever ready for the relationship.
We both had no strings attached, just in the process of knowing each other.
This is hard, because the other side of me is as well, want her, longing of her, and maybe, love her.
We shared daily life stories together
What had she eat, her schedules and everything
Just I dont know
That she thinks alike, that I want her in my future, as much as, she, too.
But for now, it is just dark, and blurry.
Lets hope for the best.
She has a wonderful life, minus her ex being a jerk to her
He family too, is beautiful and warmth
On the other side, mine was broken, and I had very bad history in the past
The concerned I had right now is, is she willing to stay?
Because for the record, I'm not surprised with people leaving. It is norm.
But then, this insecurities kept killing me.
It's hard, to fall in love, when all the best things that occurred when I fell for someone,
became my past that I dont even want to remember.
Oh Allah, please guide me, as You are the most understanding, the most merciful.