Firstly, this post is neither a bashing nor emotional downside of self, but it purely the thoughts I had inside and I feel like I want to expose it just for this tiny little blog of mine.
so kalau ade yang agak-agak terasa tu, sorry lah ye.
watak utama: He as Him, She as Her. Lol
He has always watching (not stalking ok) over her faraway, from time to time and for as much as possible of his time. This is to have enough assurance that she is doing pretty well of his absence. I know, subtle.
This is because, he feels that she deserves to be happy whatever she is doing, and whenever she is going. He chooses to believe this thought because she has been the special someone and has a significant impact in his life, indeed. And therefore, for someone that he believes she is special, it is somehow he is 'obliged' or rather owed to making sure that she is happy with her life.
And for the record, it was true enough that somehow he has no courage to say it oud loud, but he tries his best to make her be his, and making her happy is his top priority and whatnot, with all capacity and strength that he has.
Consequently, he also believes that fate is not always the way that he wanted. And for that, he accepts the fact with an open heart despite of the dissapointment that he will get. After all, he has lost people he care the most in the past, so why must not he this time? - he has to tell this to himself for thousands and millions of time, believe me.
Though she has left him, he still cares about her, but seeing her trying to show herself that she is fine but actually she does not. Why?
Because when things go wrong from her side, she blamed everything around her for the things that have failed without knowing the fact that she is actually the reason behind this. She has that someone that would risk everything for her, but rather she treated him badly. He was there where she needs someone to lend on, the time, and everything she could ask for.
He has nothing to lose, and he is always there. Maybe this is the reason she pushes him like there is nothing going wrong, because she thinks he has not be a dissapointment for her.
He is holding in. As much as I possibly recall, he has always resisted from getting hurt. He knows that he is able to take things calmly, and believe that there are greater things to accomplish, though what he sees is her in his dream, his hope, his future, his everything.
And he will never show it to her, because she has never able to see or feel it by herself. And thus, he feels that it is impossible to continue the relationship without her consent if her heart is blind and hard to see the truth. He has to move on, no matter how hasty or clumsy the decision it can be.
And for this, he is also unable to continue his life normally after seeing his special someone is failing, falling. He does not blame her, that is for sure. But seeing her sad, he fails to accept it. But what he can do? She is one of the brightest star he has, and yet the star is dim and unable to glow.
If he has choosen to be selfish, he has already stop those connections between him and her. He is assured, he still has this soft-spot for her, but sooner or later this has need to stop. The first impression has always been the disappointment he has to carry, together with unbearable regret he might get.
This has to stop. He is actually not a person who has special place inside her heart. Maybe there is once, but there is no more. Why has he bother to? Just stop. If the fate has unite them again, that would be another story. And so, just move along like he always does.
Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
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